It is I

the wayward writer. Here today, gone tomorrow. I am a very undisciplined sort, managing my time is not my forte. And my desires swing like monkey’s in trees. I do a lot of painting and working outside, watching episodes and playing games. Perhaps a few spare moments of just staring out windows, thinking about writing, something…anything! But then the moment passes, and I am off doing something else. Nothing sticking, clicking, or turning the cogs in my mind to come up with the slightest thing to share.

I cannot be alone in this Please say I am not alone in this…

There is so much going on in the world at this moment. But, I feel kind of vague about it all. It has all been done before, some of it in my time, some of it not. But, I do know….the band marches on “Here comes the sun, and I say…it’s all right…” so coined the Beatles.

I do not sense any kind of panic in me at all. It is a good thing, some DO. I have read the panic in their entries, the disgust, the embarrassment of “white privilege” the horror of what the world is tumbling into. Some beg to “get on your knees and pray!”‘ Maybe my white privilege is making me feel this way? I do feel guilty. But I cannot help the color of my skin, as no one can. Can you negate my own pains this life has brought me, because yours is greater? These are thoughts that lead you into a mine field ….it gets tricky. Yes? I do not feel like I can get through it without losing a limb or two. We are all broken.

So, I guess I will leave it up to the more organized, more impassioned writers. Ones that can evoke change or thought, or feeling, about the change that needs to happen. I do not feel it is in my wheelhouse. I am no hypocrite. I am not going to wax on about change, and write passionately of white privilege and the guilt I should carry with that title. And then go lay in my hammock and watch my flowers grow. Wait, I do not own a hammock…

I think you know what I mean. Do I think there needs to be change? Of course, we are humans. We will always need change of this sort or another. “To err is to be human” – Alexander Pope. Anger burns away clean when it is directed properly. Even Jesus had his moment of loosing his cool, flipping tables and yelling out, people running willy-nilly out of the town square as the madman took on a very aggressive approach to a Sunday sermon. Go Jesus. No guns, no one hurt, no looting, no one died. Anger burns away clean, when directed properly…..

My sadness is that, usually the powers that be do not listen unless it is in the form of mayhem. No rule is changed until enough lives are lost to pay its cost.

I guess that is my thorn. I FEEL that. I flip my tables one person at a time, I am not a circus flipper. And I am good with that.